Posted in Musings

Feelings of Nothing-ness

Have you been there?
Days when all you do is look forward for that one something that might whisk away the bad air around you and possibly put you in a better mood and largely give you reasons to be hopeful and happy for another day? All you do is wait for that one something, marking the days on your calendar and counting hours and minutes to somehow live in the happiest moment you think it will be. Somewhere deep, deep down you kind of know, maybe hope that this something that you so much look forward to might possibly, hopefully enough fail your depression, defeat your sluggish mind, like dementia make you forget your past and all the unfortunes that you have had for a prolonged period of time and somehow inject some energy within you. A little ounce maybe.
Well, it’s not like your unfortunate-ness has given you away this time but you did get that something you looked forward to, maybe that one competition you looked forward to win, a new job that you hoped to get, that article you wrote last week getting published in a well known newspaper today or simply just getting a new dress or sweets from the best shop in town. But now that you did get your most looked forward something you feel nothing. Just nothing. Simply nothing. Where was all the joy that you thought would brim up in you? Where’s all the contentment you thought might fill your mind by this time and where’s all the hopes and sureties of defeating your depression and anxiety for once by looking forward to get this something? Did it all flow away even before you delved into it? Or did it just not come to you? What was it? Why wasn’t that feeling of excitement and joyfulness not flowing in and out in rushes? Why?
But why?

Author:

Writing relieves down my bad moods and awakens and fires up my spirits.

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