Posted in Poetry

To mother who believed,

To mother who believed,
Was there even a morning when you kissed me and I felt abated?
Was there a single night when you cradled me and I felt insecure?
Was there even one time when calling you and I felt not confident?
Could there be one person in the ends of this earth, in the depth of the oceans,
Or from up above the skies and deep beneath the earth and from the corners of the world
Who loved me like the ever flowing waters and fresh air from the countryside?
Could there have been one more person who loved me like you did,
Who choose to bear me for nine months in the womb,
Two years in her fragile arms
And forever in the walls of her heart?
If I would rummage and dig hard I wouldn’t find a quarter of another person
…….
I was out in the fields one morning amidst the endless lilies and the lush green grass,
I ran the length of the fields and the height of the hills,
I perceived I was flying higher than the butterflies
And faster than all the dragonflies there!
And you believed me,
You said I was swift, you had never seen anyone so in your entire life,
That I was behemoth, you wondered how,
And that I was beautiful, you hadn’t seen such beauty and grace!
I believed you too
For my Mamma told me so and my Mamma was the best in the world!
………
I was out in the fields again,
I ran the length of the fields, the heights of the hills and to every edge of the rivers
Today was,
Tragedy. Defeat. Pain.
I fell into the puddles, filled with filth all over,
Hands and feet bleeding, the oozing blood all over
The lilies pushed me away,
The butterflies fluttered over me,
I was lost, hurt, defeated
Indeed was I strong enough or was I beautiful?
I was none
But Mamma looked deep into my eyes and said I looked beautiful like never before
You said you hadn’t known filth to look so beautiful
You said you hadn’t seen an angel who looked so graceful!
So you held my hand and let me dance and run the edges again ,
All along my hands in yours
I didn’t fall this time nor did the butterflies, the lilies and the puddles had power over me
My Mamma was with me
………..
I was at the fields again,
The lilies were there with more lilies and new chrysanthemums,
The butterflies were there with more dragonflies and bees
The grass was intact with more brambles, bushes, bulrushes and thistles
This time I walked against the might of the bulrushes and the thorns,
I flicked out of the way bees, flies and crickets,
I walked round puddles, I hadn’t got filth on this time!
I walked alone and I got to the edge of the river,
All by myself,
I thought of Mamma bear all the while
…………
I wasn’t on the fields today, I was past,
Far from her
And I saw her far from the fields and the bushes
Waving hard at me
You said, I was strong, you never knew any soul who walked across alone
You said I was beautiful, you never saw beauty glowing brighter than the garish sun, even at a distance!
…………
And I said from the distance,
I had never known a person who picked me up when I fell to the ground,
I never knew anyone who saw beauty beneath scars and rashes,
And I never knew anyone who loved me like the flowing waters, the fragrant lilies and the endless stretch of skies!

 

Posted in Poetry

Fading away into dusk

The evening sun kissed my sin, the wind brushing against my body,
I felt the thrill of an excited poet erupt somewhere deep in the grounds of my heart,
The clouds growing from shades of blue and orange to darker shades of blue probably,
The color fading away from its face with every tick of the tiny clock on my table
From outside my window I see birds soaring away to their abode,
Gliding gently midst the clouds, they might really know what it means to touch the skies!
The light, the glow, the effect of the milieu fades away to shades darker
As if the painter painted them away darker at the corners of his picture,
Giving it a slight touch with the brush- here, there and somewhere there
Somewhere in the closets of my mind my thoughts rise, soaring away
Like the clouds I see gliding away with the movement of the earth,
My thoughts shudder and move away onto greater distances
With the unmerciful manoeuvre of my “overthought” thoughts deep within the grounds of my mind
………..
I sit by the window watching the world go by as the twilight leaves
The world silent and peaceful yet somewhere in the cities noisy, cranky
And irksome with the endless pile of work at offices and companies
The birds have gone home and crickets have taken over the silence of the dusk,
The ambience ruled by an uncanny silence with a little murmur and whisper here and there, somewhere in the corners yet silent
Joggers rushing home,children bundled up in cozy homes,
Dinner steaming on every stove in every home,
The rumble of water as people wash their minds and bodies of the filth they might have carried home,
Was this how nightfall was welcomed to town?
Somewhere in the distance I see sunlight peeking through the foliage
As if to say goodbye for the night,
I also see the colour fading away into darker shades of blue,
The light has gone out and darkness has engulfed
All over, all land and skies,
The sun is no more in the skies nor its light anywhere my eyes can reach
Darkness.
………..
Not all that dark after all,
Still crouched by the window, lost in thoughts and now
Staring at the dark blanket high up in the skies,
The moon now staring down at me, glowing into my empty eyes,
The stars popping one at a time
And down on the streets the street lamp now lit bright,
Guiding people home and fireflies and bugs to it side,
Declaring with its very presence that night has fallen
And the day is far gone,
Its not that dark after all,
Except when the moon dangling high above
Hides from time to time behind drapes of clouds
that once were fluffy and white,
I know not what now,
If they are thick rain clouds or not?
I watch and watch as the whisper of the crickets grow louder
And the skies are a complete dark dark blue more of black now,
There’s a little dark light emitted far in the sky,
I now stare at the moon,
As the music of the night grows louder with every tick of the
the tiny clock on my table
…………
Posted in Poetry

Regret

It’s a shivering, chill night, the moon was out
And so were the stars in the dark blanket up in the skies,
They emitted lights flickering between hope and distress,
The darkness engulfed air and sight,
I hardly saw myself in the pitch of the darkness,
The only light showered down
By the generous moon, its silvery glow on every
Tree, leaf, herb and my coarse skin
But occasionally hiding behind the thick rain clouds,
Shy to be the earth’s bride,
I hardly saw her light at times,
The night was strangely engulfing
My eyes wandered to places dark and meaningless
The moon hiding and the stars flickering
2.
Crouched by my window, staring into the dark sky
My body fragile, futile and frangible from the tears
That flowed over all day and the pain that swelled
Deep in my heart, it was unbearable,
The night had answers for me,
With its thick black clouds, the shimmering light
On the streets, the stars above and the moon
Hiding away and revealing from time to time
Your face screens before my eyes over and over again
Shrieks of agony I caused screeching in my ears
The big, drops of tears flowing down and down
The rain reminding me constantly
With the big bally raindrops like tears on my window
What could I do?
3.
I left you in the streets abandoned to the dogs and the silence of the night
My cold heart emotionless to your cries that night,
The agony I did feel I shrugged away, trampled down to pieces under my feet,
I held heaps of wrath in the closets of my heart,
You abandoned me to the garish sun,
I forced my heart to feel no pain nor hearken to your pleas
You hurt me in ways my body never underwent,
In ways least imagined,
I had to abandon you to rot in the graveness of the night,
Die in the cold of the rain and think
In the melancholy of a romantic yet painful night
4.
But here in the cold of the night Why oh Why,
I felt swarms of regret filling the walls of my heart,
They stung me in places delicate, forcing down
The wrath in the grounds of my mind
To fall to the earth and regret again,
To feel pain, agony, misery, sympathy, empathy and distress again……….
I was made a prisoner in the cells of my body,
Abandoned by my senses for
The abandonment of a friend in the streets,
Punished for revenge by the goodnesses of my personality,
I felt deep pain. Staring into the dark sky didn’t help,
They pressed me, constantly reminding me
For the abandonment.
Posted in Poetry

Dear Virus

Dear Virus,
You banged on our lives suddenly out of the blue
Just when things were going smooth and graceful,
Our companies had attained high standards,
Our children reached peaks of success
Our countries and lands had stepped higher and
Our people had begun to live well,
When you suddenly wrecked us of our dreams
And burnt into ashes our passions
Out of the blue we met on the streets,
You suffocated us, sucking the life out of us,
Forcing us inside our homes, silencing our lives
Draining hopes and faith right out of us,
You changed lives, scattered us here and there
And then you shut us in for five months
I wonder what kind of power you possessed
Because now I know it was for good!
Yesterday when you arrived we were shut in homes
As boredom crept in from cracks on the walls of our minds
The streets empty, the noisy kids were gone
The nosy aunty was no longer interested,
We hardly looked into people’s eyes
Fearing you would capture us
And ending up in clean white beds in the district hospital,
And the news going “Another case of Covid-19”
Now we hardly look people in the eye,
We have come to scroll down our shopping websites
For masks- red, green, black, white and yellow
And ones that went along with our blue shirts and pink dresses
We wear the mask all the time now even when
We have to meet that old friend across the street
Sanitizers and masks have become our daily needs today
Our lives have now become a huge hodgepodge
But hey this wasn’t bad after all
The pile of work that stacked our desks on weekends were gone,
 But Dear Virus,
We know we will come back to normal,
Rise from the ashes and fly again
Posted in Poetry

A bound soul

I don’t know until when but 

I feel like a country hoping for independence to finally fly high in the free skies,

A while ago I wandered on the streets of a rather unquiet city,

Indeed I was a vagabond in these lands, lost in empty roads,

Stuck between the light lamps here and the darkness at the far corner there……

Treading down the tiled grounds of the streets onto distant, lonely pathways,

The houses on my way are now quiet, children put to sleep, lights out, fire places going out,

As lovers slipped into cosy beds for long talks, the hopeless dangling between life and death,

The depressed staring into the night skies, a zillion thoughts buzzing all around them,

I walk on like a weary traveller who was refused a refuge in many a homes

Little parts of me were lost, lost in lands known as love, hopelessness, depression and pain 

A little further away, the streets empty, the roads abandoned to the silence of the night,

Oh God I feel cold, my feet numb and my heart frozen.

mind dusting out files onto the desks of my heart giving me all the reasons in the world to quit, escape these winding pathways for a long eternal sleep somewhere in Paradise

I was a vagabond in these landsRunning away from something I cannot describe if asked to describe,

Something of an uncanny fear, confusion and pain filling the walls of my rather damp, fragile, futile and frangible heart,

I was running away for ………solace I think

A little bit of peace and freedom from my over-thought thoughts maybe. Maybe.

As I walk on, repressions of times old and thoughts from my ancient past, regrets from miles behind 

Flood on the banks of my mind, spilling on the floor shell like misery and agony in all shapes, colours and sizes

Walking onto places my feet knew but my mind and heart had no clue

I was a stranger within myself,

A refugee in my lands,

A nomad in my own streets,

Fighting for a freedom my instincts and thoughts demanded

To live free of heart rending pain, piercing sorrow, gloom that shadowed over my head every now and then

And vibes of negativity that probed me into giving up my fight,

And fall like a kite from high up the skies, the winds pushing it down to the ground, claiming it’s right and power over its frail exterior and vulnerable spirit,

I want to get out of here,Smell the air of freedom,

Swim in waters that touch the skin, passing into me tranquility and a hope to move forward,

Delve into oceans free from Depressions and Repressions where the blue waters signify calmness and no ounce of confusion

I want to get out,

For a little bit of freedom maybe. Maybe