Posted in Musings

Some genuinity

This is genuine.
Were you by any chance an addictive drug I consumed when I was on the highway of life with the wind and rain lashing against me?
Were you by any chance my battle field where I began something so stressful and draining as this?
Why am I still writing about you when I was supposed to budge and walk miles ahead from where I was stranded?
Was there any chance that if the sun on our skies was brighter we would have possibly seen through each other’s worthfulness?
There are high probabilities that the mist was stronger than ever and the fog filled in my eyes I could hardly see through. Or was that in your eyes?
Why am I standing here when I was supposed to have walked miles into my rather placid days ahead?
Why am I still tick tick writing down on my phone when I have hardly figured out ways to text better and store well in my new phone because I had to give up that other phone. It had memories that tore me apart every morning when I woke up?
Why am I still thinking about you when all I did was to get you out of my damn head?
I changed a phone, a lifestyle, a complete personality…..why then haven’t I changed my rusty mind that has clinging pieces of rusty memories of you all over that I hardly put the singlest of efforts to move it out for the new ones to take its place?
Why am I unwilling to stop writing about you when I know I have erased every trace of you from the walls, corners and shades of my heart?
If I were to stop writing, maybe I would run out of words and ideas for my journal,page or blog. You stayed in the racks of my mind like a dictionary full of words and biblichor that I somehow loved to smell every time I opened it. Redolent in its own addictive sense.
Posted in Musings

“Stop being dramatic”

This is a dramatic play with words. I jotted this down when I sat ruminating about something that triggered a little pain and frustration.
So I was being dramatic?
And what did you have to care to term me “Dramatic” and my ways a little too “Neurotic”. Get out of my way when you feel that pulling urge to judge, churn and term me in ways Oh Boy you have no idea you are causing hurt!
I was being dramatic?
Weren’t you the one who in ways messy and tangled messed up in my territory having the audacity to give me labels of all sorts, colours and styles? Why do you barge in here to examine my ways and draw conclusions?
I was being dramatic?
You never know, I will never know. You called me dramatic when you yourself was dramatic about the mess I was caught up in, painting yourself bold and tough beneath your rather plain dramatic self. Why would you think of it if you hadn’t had it in mind which quite explains why you see me “Dramatic”.
Posted in Musings

C-Y-N-I-C-A-L

He/She/They/You/I

Become “Cynical” at some point of time, out of the blue sometimes.
Losing faith in the people around, the gradual erosion of trust and hope and the constant wearing of intimacy and love is the result, the aftermath of your new season of Being Cynical.
You are at fault, are you? Or is it just life’s messed up games of playing the fool with you, little knowing that it was sucking out every ounce of trust and hope you had in the Human Race.
Are you really at fault or would you cast the blame on Life?
He/She/They/You/I
We have become “Cynical” at one point.
Are you right now or was it just a phase that passed out too quickly you hardly had time to noitce?
Or is it that you call yourself a lovable, dependable, amiable, fanciful, merciful Human whose past is dotted with mosses and weeds in places, Oh God I cannot say where and where not?
You have not been “Cynical”, have you? Or is it that you were when you never bothered to look up your symptoms in the mental health book and probably then look up the word itself in the dictionary by your bedside?
He/She/They/You/I
We have become “Cynicals”. Admit it.
Days when you lost faith in people, the kind heart within you dying and the love going out from your systems. Remember that day when the soft corner within you suddenly turned hard, refusing to go back to being tender. We have become Cynicals at some point and some of us still are. Some of us still living in the trauma that hit us a while ago and settled down since then to believe that love isn’t love and trusting , believing and having faith is all but Vanity.
You have become “Cynical” as much as I have.

Posted in Musings

The Fall

You might fall a million times, fail drastically every single time you try and never have the slightest hope of success. You might hurt people around,prove yourself to be an absolute loser, troublemaker and good for nothing and fitting nowhere in any picture frames. You might have caused trouble and messed up good times.Yes, messed it big time and ruined ideas and plans.You might even have hurt that best friend of yours, that one person who always stood up for you and probably broken a million hearts and scarred people’s lives with insult and pain.You might be that one person who frequently causes “Bad Luck” everywhere you go, even to that brief encounter with your old friend.But you know what…..I think it’s okay to be that “Troublemaker” you were labeled, that one soul who has failed at everything,everywhere and every time. Its ok to be the way you are and accept the frequent bad luck that keeps happening to you because every time you fail, every once you fall, you are bound to get up and every time you get up and face the world you become stronger without you realizing it.
Every single fall and failure has made you a better person and taught you a better lesson and shaped you a little more curvy, round and beautiful.
Fall. Fail. Be humiliated.You are learning a new lesson each day.
Posted in Musings

A rather cold night

The night was overwhelmingly filling, my mind flowed over with thoughts, they trickled down all over and down, I knew not where they found their way onto. On my window the rain lashed it’s hands, filling my heart with a strange joy I couldn’t make sense. My mind wandered taking along with its lust my eyes. Up to the ceiling and out my window, they wouldn’t stop nor could I shut them any longer. The stars weren’t out in the sky today, the moon fogged beneath the thick rain clouds it felt as if my heart was hid behind the bulrushes of my excruciating pain and dilemma. There was rain and only rain, the wind blowing harder and wilder it was powerful to whip away all the remnants of confusion, bafflement, pain and worry. The music of the night wasn’t there today yet the rain had a music that was bizarrely attractive, soothing to the ears and calming to the heart. Rain was here, it came along with goodies both big and small for everyone living in town wiping away all dust, tits and bits of dirt. Rain was here and it brought along joy and smiles…..