How long has it been since I wrote? It feels like ages since we last talked, exchanged life stories and unhappy incidents from our lives. Why should we be living so apart and afar off when we could somehow make miracles happen and see each other more often, maybe live closer by, spend more time together and probably make memories again like we did when we actually lived close by, running across the building, playing sufferable games, talked endlessly very often ignoring the time and the fact that the sun has set and the birds have gone home and the night skies were here and we had to go home, do our homeworks and get to bed to kick start yet another day tomorrow so we could play, talk and waste our times doing nothing for yet another day.
I miss you Meera more than any other thing in the entire world and most of all the fact that I had someone to rely on, someone who would look at the little dark circle around my eyes and know that I had been up all night, someone who could listen to my voice and guess right away that I have had a terrible argument in school and messed things up. I have become so lone now I very often miss your presence around here and the evenings I looked forward to, to talk, talk and talk about that girl in class who bitched endlessly about me, that guy from church I had a crush on and the little girl in our school bus who was the most adorable thing on earth.
I am so sorry Meera for not being there during the last couple of months when you were juggling your dessertation, a break up and numerous other problems that kept adding to your list. Please call me a bad friend who abandoned you in the streets of life and proved to her best friend from 11 years that she was a stone at heart and a devil in her mind who was cold and insensitive. I know I should have been there but I lost myself in the highway of life in the last couple of months and since then I am stuck at the bylanes and lost here in a land I have no clue about. Well, the lockdown has been a hard, hard thing on me Meera. Most days I get up feeling gloomy and out of myself and looking out my window it looked like the world had come to a standstill, a pause that took a long, long while to resume.
I have lots of things to tell you that I cannot possibly contain in this piece of paper but Oh God when I meet you next you should be mentally prepared to listen to me for hours on end going on and on about my final year at college, my many challenges, my latest book and the countless days I spent thinking, overthinking and ruminating about how my love life should have turned out if I had possibly taken the right decisions and how my brother was a bad ass to me and how that this lockdown has brought flooding to the banks of my mind many a sweet, bitter and sour memory of you and the nights I wished I could somehow wake up the next day in 2010 and know that you were still living across my house, your dad walking away coolly to work and your mom waiting for my mom every evening downstairs when she got back from her hectic day at school.
But Alas! Each day no miracle happens, I still wake up in 2020, stuck with a pandemic that wouldn’t leave, a home full of lethargy, the streets full of loneliness and the skies somehow cleaner and purer like never before! I terribly miss you dude and I know we have moved on since 2010, met better friends who made us laugh a little bit louder, friends who stayed up late into the night listening to our relationship crisises. I know we have grown apart for some time, stopped texting for a long time when calls were out of the question but Meera, you are one of a kind. I have had Shalom and Abhirami who have been there for me but they couldn’t possibly tally with all the soothing words you told me when grandpa passed away on April 18, 2010, your gentle touch after our silly fights and all your books and our Harry Potter discussions that simply teased away all my rather enormous miseries in sixth grade.
Meera, the lock down has been hard and when I say hard I don’t mean Hard-Hard where I got bored all day and cried all day. I mean that it has given me enough time to think about us and our innocent friendship, the endless poems we wrote for each other, the bicycle rides and the beautiful insects we stuck in our Insect Book (God!! What were we thinking back then?) When I stroll downstairs in the parking area of our apartment your memory roars in my head, making me feel for a second that I did fly back 11 years behind. The places we played hide and seek, the benches we sat on only brought back memories that were too sweet it made me cry and wish things hadn’t changed even an ounce since then. It was nostalgic………
Meera I have been ranting a lot!!! I will call you on Saturday. I love you so much!!!