Did I not tell you that every time I see you I feel a hundred towers collapsing deep inside me? Did you not know that it’s hard not to feel the breeze when the wind is swirling all around me? Did you not know that I can melt like ice cubes under the sun everytime I hear you? Did you even know that it’s hard to walk on and down on a path filled with puddles from the pouring rain, thorns and thistles all along the edges and graveness hanging from towering trees and low lying flowers. Didn’t I tell you that the birds here sing a song of melancholy and the sun beats garishly on my bare skin and the night whispers something of an uncanny language that hurts me deep inside. Did you not know?
I somehow lose my eyes in the endless stretch of the skies and the soaring birds, my senses losing itself in the music of the wind. They somehow awaken the poet in me, I can sit here all year long, lost in a music that doesn’t make sense to you, in a touch that ravishes my soul, awakening and exciting every vein in my body that you hardly even know and totally strange to. You don’t get it when I speak of the music of the crickets, the whisper of the winds filling my ears,erupting a volcano of words and gush of thoughts. I leave you wondering how and why but trust me they tantalise me, jarring me into an unknown pleasure I have no idea. Does it even make a difference to you to wake up to heavy downpour, dim light and thunder.Do you even understand my satisfaction of pulling back the curtains to see the pouring rain waiting out my window, enticing me in every sense of the word to draw me into its touch,it’s sparking touch. It’s bizzare but it’s inevitable. The rain, the wind, the skies have an effect deep in me that you hardly understand, one that is inextricably true. You don’t get it when I speak of being lost in a world that demands nothing but simply the relishing of the music, the effect and the touch. I wait for the rain, the tinge of pink, blue and yellow in the face of the sky and the soaring birds in the skies and you will never know why. You would wonder why?
I let the wind swipe me, the colours sloshed across the skies in shades of pink, blue and green gat hold of my spirits and the breeze ogle at me in a desire so unfulfilled and yearning! Somewhere beyond the skies, the hills and my senses I hear the cadence of a music that lures me into finding my way into myself, it fills my ears like a tingle so sharp, the music filling the air it touches my skin and I know I have an escape, away from realities that crushed my soul, stamping me harder by the day, forcing out fancies too beautiful for reality. In the cacophony that fills the air, I hear no melody, just melancholy far too sinewy to digest, very unpleasant to relish. The words make no sense, the music isn’t music, just noise that blares my ears days into nights and nights into days. There is no you in the words, nor can I make sense of you between the lines of the cacophony that I hear from far away. They blare and glare, pulling down a hundred towers onto the grounds of my mind. They say it’s music, music that heals, that makes live. That ain’t music, that I can’t feel you through the melody or the rhythm……
I scrambled out of bed.
In a jiffy pulled back the curtains to see the reflection of my fainted heart.
It was a wet day, the birds were not out in the skies nor were the skies a happy blue today!
Aha! The sun wasn’t there peeking through the clouds nor were the trees on the yard sunkissed. Today they were green, strangely greener in tone, texture and colour, the water gleaming on the leaves. I stood watching the nuance of nature for the day! Why it was sunny yesterday, where did the storms drive away the sun, was it hiding behind clouds , clinging on like a little child onto its mother’s dangling piece of cloth! How was it that the sun was gone and that the storms took over in all power and harshness? How was it that my soul felt thrilled yesterday and today it poured down heavily on the grounds of my mind, seeping deep into every crack on my ground?
So I pulled back the covers………….
It was pouring down heavily somewhere deep in the lands of my heart, thundering storms and driving away every ounce of joy, sweeping away my reasons to cheer and smile again. They thundered, rained and rained…….all day long, it took over every sky, ground, street, city and lands within me.
Why I was exhausted, my aching heart deprived of every strength to fight back the winds, the storm and the darkened clouds!
So I pulled back the covers, away from the reflection of my soul outside my window.
I had to get out of the mess, run through the rain as quickly as possible no matter what, even if it meant – drenched, soaked and weary!
I did try, but the storm was hard, stronger than my will power to fight. I saw it coming again, thunder that shook my self, lightning that blinded the eye, pour that numbed the flesh and pain that destroyed me. A pain that I thought had gone away, the pain of losing…….
So I pulled back the covers and I was gone probably drenched in the rain, shook by the thunder or blinded by the lightning,
I closed my eyes and I knew not what for a while, a while I wish lasted forever…………
The air all around feels tense, the streets are deserted and deadly looking. I wonder where all the people have gone off to, why all the nosey swarms of people suddenly took to their homes,no longer interested in any of what’s up in the society. I don’t hear the little children playing all day, the vehicles screeching, the buzz of people and the endless business of the day, it feels like living in a ghost town. Why it feels dreadful, it’s all filled in my heart and filled to the brim and overflowing out and all over me!
Amidst the tension, the pain, the death of humanity in numbers so vast and innumerable as if suddenly humans became mosquitoes in the hands of the Gods because they got too noisy, irksome and outsmarted the patience of the heavens, the Gods decided to slap, kill and bury all at once so the disturbance is reduced. I don’t know!
I hear of people dying, the newspapers filled with deaths in every page, paragraph, line and every word threatening the reader- “You can be next. Beware”
True it’s painful, disturbing and heart rending but if God’s diary had the virus in 2020 then the virus would definitely wisp around in great majesty and power for it was sent from a greater power!
I don’t know, it feels deadly with each passing day and my heart breaks, crumbling down hundreds and hundreds of towers within me!